🏎️ Max Already Misses Italy so Here's A Ferrari

GM.

It’s MONDAY.

Dear dear readers I am fully back in the rat race and… well…

I usually am not one to look backwards and regret making a particular decision.

HOWEVER, the decision to get on a plane and leave Italy was a poor one. I know, Captain Obvious at it again.

Next time I go some place cool, remind me to quit my job and live happily in squalor. La Dolce Vita.

Today’s ride is what I’ll be saving up for and sleeping in once I cross the pond again. You’re going to see it and say “Max, I don’t read this incredible, hilarious, impeccably grammared newsletter to read about cars I already know are supposed to be cool!”

I get it, you’re right. JUST HUMOR ME, and in return I promise you’ll learn a thing or two about…

A 1987 Ferrari Testarossa

• 🌏️ Driven around the world: 0.9x

  • You could be the one to get it over the line!

• 🎸 Playlist to get the Vibes Right: 80s Songs to Infiltrate and Espionage To

  • Admittedly this car inspired me to search Spotify for a playlist called: “80s Songs to Commit Crimes To” and this one was as close as I could find.

• 🏇 Can beat 380 horses in a fight

• 💰️ Predicted Price: $99,512

  • However the current high bid is quite a nice price…

    

    nice

• 📆 Auction Ends: May 10th, 2023

AGAIN, I know Ferrari’s are the most obviously “cool” cars out there. That might, weirdly, make this feel like a more boring post than usual.

So, REMINDER, the goal of this newsletter is to

1. create a captive audience that I can ramble to non-stop about cars.

2. to show everyone that EVERY car is interesting & has its own cool ass story.

Whether that story is of how the make/model came to exist, or the story of that SPECIFIC car - the point still stands.

This goal is why I’ve written about some boring looking cars, and obviously this Testarossa is not that. HOWEVER:

It’s raining and gloomy outside,

My day job is busy af,

AND AS SUCH friends/Romans, it is my God-given right to want to remember my recent trip to Italy in the best way I can: writing about one of the GREATEST FERRARIS TO EVER EXIST.

So…

What Makes The Testarossa So Cool?

• It has inspired a GENERATION OF WHITE COLLAR CRIMINALS

• It has ALL THE 80s CHARM

• And it has the absolute cutest lil spare tire

It inspired a GENERATION OF WHITE COLLAR CRIMINALS

Okay, there’s no way to prove this…

But I maintain that the movie ‘The Wolf of Wall Street’ is directly responsible for like every high profile financial crime of the last decade.

I bet if you looked in Sam Bankman-Fried’s DVD shelf you’d see a Wolf of Wall Street blue ray right at the top.

The Testarossa, IMO, is one of the purest incarnations of the era of Wild West White Collar financial markets that was the 1970s and 80s.

I mean, the car was built with a screaming V12, loud styling, and the Ferrari pedigree during a time where insider trading was effectively unmonitored.

What better a time to buy every kid’s dream car than after pumping and dumping everyone’s favorite women’s department store shoe brand’s stock?

Outside of modern cinema, the Testarossa has had a TON of screen time.

Don Johnson had a white one in Miami Vice (pls watch that video simply to laugh at that wild sleeveless shirt the dude is wearing).

Plus! Dr. Dre AND Elton John had one.

The Testarossa’s ownership history is, decidedly, even more star studded than last editions BMW Z8.

It Has ALL THE 80s CHARM

Okay, what is prime, pique, 1980’s automotive charm? In my humble (and objectively correct) opinion…

• A boxy exterior with thicccc (yeah, 4 c’s thicccc) fender flares

• Blocky wheels

• Tons of buttons that do mysterious things

  • Seriously, can you identify what more than 3 of these are supposed to do???

    

• Pop up and down headlights

The Testarossa has ALLLLLL DAT.

The outside truly looks like the designer was meditating on how to create a car out of a hair detangling comb and a door stopper.

And those blocky wheels are just AMAZING.

I have an unrelenting love of blocky wheels (and you should too).

Ferrari and Mercedes were the top dogs in this glorious category of wheel design in the 80s.

And on this Ferrari, you don’t get just the 4 blocky wheels you see on the car…

You get a fifth, and its the cutest lil spare you’ve ever seen.

JUST LOOK AT IT.

Like clearly Ferrari put the extra effort into making it look similar to the normal wheel/tire combo, which is just hilarious.

It just looks so awkward, like a tween version of the real wheel.

I guess its meant to minimize the embarrassment of getting a flat and having to drive with the donut?

Personally, I think this is a clear moment of disconnect between Ferrari and who they thought were buying their cars.

If a Ferrari driver gets a flat, you think they’re going change their own tire street side?

Not a chance. They are going to get a tow truck and then have their assistant deliver their OTHER Ferrari like Johnny on the Spot in Grand Theft Auto so they don’t have to ride in the passenger seat of that tow truck like a PEASANT.

So, dear readers,

If you’ve recently made some suspiciously lucrative stock trades and have about $140k liquid ($100k for the car, $40k for the inevitable engine-out services)…

If you hate touch screens, preferring instead to control your automobile with the very simple use of over 21 (yes I counted) buttons,

And you want a car that embodies the decade and attitude of the 1980’s.

Buy this glorious Testarossa.

Or don’t, and I will sell off all my assets to buy it and live out of it in the rolling hills of Tuscany.

And remember…

MaxFindsCars.com is not, technically, free! By subscribing, dear reader, you implicitly agreed to tell your friends about it.

In fact, I believe the contract specifically stated you had to each subscribe 100 of your closest exes, interns, and neighbors. I’ll have to check the fine print to be sure, but you all may as well get started spreading the word in the meantime.

That's a wrap for today. New Editions come out every Monday and Friday! While you wait, go out and drive! And if you want more, be sure to follow Max’s Twitter (@maxjzin)

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